Why Am I Eating Onion Dip Alone? (Or, Social Media Killed the RSVP)

Recently, I missed a friend’s birthday party. First, it was scheduled. Then, canceled. Then—resurrected, like some cursed microbe, in a group chat I wasn’t even in. Malice? Not likely. Just the shriveled, digital hellscape of “social media event planning.”

Let’s make a list:

• Some friends: Instagram only.
• Others: Off the grid entirely.
• Invites: Lost in a firehose of other invites.

Facebook doesn’t care if you want real friends at your party. It wants to sell you circus tickets—because, shocker, they get a cut. I can’t even find my own damn events in the app. Instead, I get peppered with “Events You Might Like (And Definitely Must Pay For).”

How did we get here? Once upon a time, we had these things called calendar invites. They weren’t fun or sexy, but they worked:

• Pinged your phone.
• Gave you a map, a dial-in, whatever.
• Tracked who’s actually coming.
• Didn’t require sacrificing your soul to Zuckerberg.

What doesn’t it do? Oh, right—I have to type in your email like it’s 1999. I can’t just smash “Invite All” with reckless abandon. Assuming I even know your email. Which I probably don’t, because we traded personal emails for a handful of ephemeral DMs years ago.

This isn’t theory. Anyone working an office job knows that calendar invites keep the machinery moving. Polyamorous folks? Ran out of fingers counting shared calendars. Everyone else? Still fiddling with vaporous Facebook events, praying the invite lands somewhere useful.

You could create a contacts list. If you have, congratulations—avert your gaze from this burning circus. The rest of us? Flailing, spamming group chats, and missing our own friends.

So let’s do something radical. Let’s normalize sharing our emails. Yes, “social media friend,” that means you. Give me a way to reach you that doesn’t involve Zuckerberg, Musk, or the next failed app du jour. Events might just become social again.

My email isn’t a state secret. Worst case, I block some spambots. (Spoiler: my calendar invite? That, I’ll see. I breathe by it.)

Social Media Event Planning: The Original Sin

Want to make sure I actually show up?

Here’s what doesn’t work:

• Broadcasting “everyone’s invited!” into a group chat that was abandoned three memes ago. If you want me there, invite me directly.
• Spamming 50+ people with a Facebook Event notice. I get a dozen of those a day; they’re white noise. Count on that for a RSVP, I’ll probably never see it.
• Sending the invite to my partner and hoping the information trickles downstream. (Spoiler: we’re not a hive mind.)

Want me at your party? Invite me directly. One-on-one. Best bet: send a calendar invite by email. That’s the one notification that crashes through the noise and actually keeps me from double-booking.

Bonus: all those friends who rage-quit Facebook years ago? Still have email. Suddenly you’re planning a party for everyone instead of your shrinking circle of Facebook holdouts.

Don’t have my email? Ask me. I’ll give it to you—no quest required. Let’s kill the chaos and make events… you know, work.